Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Bachelorette Season Whatever: Ashley: PRE-SEASON.

The rumors are true - your favorite bachelor blogger is BACK. (You're reading this site, so that means I'm your favorite, right?) Back with some very special pre-season coverage, meaning: I take a look at the 25 gentlemen Ashley has to choose from, and tell you who is hot, and who is not.

Honestly, I had to reach a little to come up with some guys from this crop who are "hot". This is the cheesiest-looking bunch of dudes I've seen in a while. "Not a girl, not yet a dentist" Ashley is gonna have her work cut out for her. But the ones I deemed to be (relatively) attractive are:

William: So sweet and eager to please.

Matt: Nice jawline. Unfortunately, he has a Bachelor's of Science in Turf Grass Management and sells office supplies for a living, which means is the most boring guy ever.

Ryan M.: His ABC picture looks a little gooftacular, but in a way that indicates he might be hot in real life. He lists his three worst attributes as "stubbornness, listening, and patience", indicating a less than clear understanding of the word "worst".

Ryan P.: Once again, kinda goofy photo. Could be hot. Welcome to the Season of Ryan.

It seems cruel to name names, but don't you think some of these guys look a little bit...odd?

Jeff: Um...why is your photo a black silhouette? Are you a vampire or something? Will taking photos steal your soul? Or perhaps you are descended from Mr. Game and Watch.

Chris M. aspires to be a backstreet boy, circa 1998.

Is that...a velvet shirt??

Blake is a dentist. You know they're gonna work that whole "you're a dentist? I'M a dentist!" thing for at least a few weeks. Even though Ashley...isn't really a dentist.

I have to go with Bentley. Even though he is named for a car, and looks a little bit like a troll. But a very lovable troll! And honestly, who didn't go through a troll phase?

Of course, this probably means he will be eliminated in this first episode. Sorry, dude.

May 23, y'all! Can you wait? I cannot wait.

counting the days,


  1. Laughing out loud at my desk about the Bentley Troll. Bless his heart.


  2. Oh, Chris M. Frosted tips, really? Also, I think it may be a leather jacket instead of a velvet shirt. Which is . . . probably better?

    I looked at Bentley's picture before I saw the text, and my first thought was "That totally looks like a guy Nancy would go for."

  3. know me so well.

  4. Well... I guess if you like Bentley you like DECEPTIVE LOSERS.

    Just kidding, the sneak peek was super dramatic. I will kill Ashley if she really falls for Bentley after that tip off.