I know my legions of followers are going to be tremendously disappointed, but I have chosen not to recap Bachelor Pad, because it is the worst show ever. For all your sarcastic-recap needs, I leave you in the capable hands of Megan, over at Buddy TV, who is one of my favorite bachelor bloggers. (Yes, I read other bachelor blogs, because I cannot get enough of the MADNESS.)
So enjoy the show, if you can. Enjoy Ames' sweet, blank stares of confusion (how did I get here? WHAT IS GOING ON??), Casey's perplexing inability to open his mouth when he talks, and Vienna's no-holds-barred campaign to become the most hated person on earth. Watch as Chris Harrison becomes increasingly shiny and hard and plastic-y. And go easy on Erica Rose - true, she made the questionable life choice of being part of the cast of the worst game show on earth, but I knew her in high school, and she was genuinely nice as a 14-year-old. Not a lot of people can say that.